He told me not to be scared of dying (before he killed himself)

I saw myself in the rearview mirror in the uber and I realized I’m who I’ve always wanted to be

 

When I go to my hometown I’m reminded of the bottom from where I started, where you chose to decay 

When I spend nights downtown on my balcony studying I know I’m where I’m meant to be, suffering has the biggest pay 

 

I admit I’ve thought about killing myself frequently 

(but I’ve thought about killing you far more)

 

And yeah, I’ll drink coffee all night

 I’ll cry in my favourite café 

But it’s comforting to know my pain is no longer embedded in you

 

My pain is what I create for myself 

And you have no ownership over any feelings I create 

 

No one does 

(not even me)

 

I know you made a home in my heart

I feel you come and go every day

 

But don’t you worry I can take it from here

I’ll take your grasp on the steering wheel 

Push you far yet keep you near 

You’ll find me grinning ear to ear

Because I’m on a higher tier 

Became one of your biggest fears

Once a love now a single burnt tear

 

It’s only downhill for you from here

 

 

 

Author

amanda.gladstone@ucalgary.ca
i create

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